Homer Simpson goes to the Emmys
- Emmys are sharp. If you steal one, don’t put it in your pants.
- Cummerbund with lots of elastic.
- No matter how long you rub your Emmy, a genie will not come out.
- Assume everything backstage is free until you hear sirens.
- Just because everyone else is doing it, you are not obligated to
make out with Kathy Griffin.- If you win, make sure you spend the majority of your speech
thanking your agents and accountants. Viewers at home love that.- Contrary to popular belief, it is not an honor just to be nominated.
- The Creative Arts Emmys is really just an elaborate ruse to round up deadbeat dads.
- Don’t tell people how sorry you are that their show was canceled unless you are certain their show was actually canceled.
- Try to stay sober, this isn’t the Golden Globes.
People say, “I’m Sorry About Your Break Up.”
But the truth is…
They’re excited that you’re now just as lonely as they are.
(Submitted by amouraveugle)
People say, “You misunderstood me.”
But the truth is…
They weren’t expecting you to get angry over what they just said. So they try to take it back by saying, ”Let me rephrase it for you.” Don’t believe them! They meant what they said the first time!
(Submitted by: xcandycakesx)
If The Dinosaurs Had Twitter…







